Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
