He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
