He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
