You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
