and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
