New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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