I'm going to jail i love you
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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