I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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