The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
