My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
