I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
