Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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