Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
