why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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