made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
