can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
