When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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