i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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