I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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