We're facebook friends in real life
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
