just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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