My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
