i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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