I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
