You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
