so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
