i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
