drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
