It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
