i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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