Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
