proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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