I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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