remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
