I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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