Jerry, you need to find god
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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