I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
that may or may not have been my penis.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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