i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
