walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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