I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So many bounce houses so little time
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
