The maid of honor just puked.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
