What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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