i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
