who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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