Duck Duck Cougar?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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