Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
