I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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