Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
