remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
