watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
