There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
