I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
ttyl tear gas
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Sext me about skeletons
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize