Texts From Last Night

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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.

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  (732): I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one. http://tfl.nu/pu4o
  Replies (12) Good night (608) Bad night (2909)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Why does Corona taste like a burp?

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  (205): Why does Corona taste like a burp? http://tfl.nu/2bn9
  Replies (39) Good night (686) Bad night (3682)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it

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  (918): Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it http://tfl.nu/0aic
  Replies (29) Good night (3797) Bad night (1636)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.

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  (413): All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet. http://tfl.nu/zopf
  Replies (13) Good night (3433) Bad night (951)
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  (518): View more from New York

  it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.

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  (518): it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime. http://tfl.nu/6fla
  Replies (1) Good night (824) Bad night (1837)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard

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  (519): You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard http://tfl.nu/bgm2
  Replies (7) Good night (2528) Bad night (831)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.

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  (815): Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off. http://tfl.nu/t0xa
  Replies (7) Good night (2780) Bad night (537)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.

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  (970): I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life. http://tfl.nu/eqcg
  Replies (21) Good night (1492) Bad night (1133)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm

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  (330): Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm http://tfl.nu/amcj
  Replies (4) Good night (488) Bad night (573)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.

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  (801): She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime. http://tfl.nu/hokk
  Replies (1) Good night (957) Bad night (381)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.

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  (337): plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock. http://tfl.nu/69tv
  Replies (8) Good night (617) Bad night (1237)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.

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  (630): I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award. http://tfl.nu/kz36
  Replies (5) Good night (1040) Bad night (448)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?

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  (925): So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*? http://tfl.nu/emo3
  Replies (12) Good night (498) Bad night (1060)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there

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  (416): I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there http://tfl.nu/n5pg
  Replies (9) Good night (798) Bad night (376)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.

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  (651): I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college. http://tfl.nu/1zaq
  Replies (4) Good night (503) Bad night (331)

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