Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
