Cold hands, warm shart.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember