Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.