Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on. http://tfl.nu/1170
  Replies (7) Good night (1537) Bad night (776)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  just left the emergency room. condom extraction.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): just left the emergency room. condom extraction. http://tfl.nu/bo1w
  Replies (30) Good night (1173) Bad night (11237)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome. http://tfl.nu/3i6t
  Replies (21) Good night (1185) Bad night (6977)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation. http://tfl.nu/cktw
  Replies (5) Good night (1422) Bad night (2597)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car? http://tfl.nu/714f
  Replies (7) Good night (1002) Bad night (2574)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch' http://tfl.nu/cs24
  Replies (7) Good night (2738) Bad night (1603)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here. http://tfl.nu/eop3
  Replies (3) Good night (1097) Bad night (1541)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI. http://tfl.nu/5z2o
  Replies (6) Good night (2012) Bad night (745)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  the scent of your tears make me crave pizza

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): the scent of your tears make me crave pizza http://tfl.nu/lvf8
  Replies (7) Good night (1131) Bad night (897)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name. http://tfl.nu/nb8i
  Replies (2) Good night (1141) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks . http://tfl.nu/kxjn
  Replies (1) Good night (523) Bad night (830)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons. http://tfl.nu/9jo6
  Replies (9) Good night (1586) Bad night (802)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"

  (1+61): View more from

  I don't know if I want context or not...

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort" (1+61): I don't know if I want context or not... (+61): Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5. http://tfl.nu/jpk3
  Replies (2) Good night (854) Bad night (627)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels. http://tfl.nu/3182
  Replies (3) Good night (355) Bad night (868)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday http://tfl.nu/vpar
  Replies (3) Good night (449) Bad night (216)

Randomize