YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
