for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
