I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
