I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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