Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
