im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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