I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
