Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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