Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my being single is dangerous.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
