so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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