with your own penis?
I cannot find my penis.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
