I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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