I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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