he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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