those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
