I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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