Me. At least after what I've been through.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
